found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
