I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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