You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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