Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
