i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
