You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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