The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
