Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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