Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
