we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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