God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
