508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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