There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
