Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
