we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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