the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
