Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
