I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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