I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
