Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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