i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
