Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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