He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
