just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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