You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
