How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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