Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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