Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
did i walk over a car last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
