i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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