Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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