Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
