separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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