i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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