i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
