Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You are the jesus of drinking
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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