Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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