Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize