the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
