She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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