If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
