He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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