the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
