I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
