I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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