if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
