Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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