Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
