he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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