we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
