Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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