Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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