all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
