I am midnight drunk by noon
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
