Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize