Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
