I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
