Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
