Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
