Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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