chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
