I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
