i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
