My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
