so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
