carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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