Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
