I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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