From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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