So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
