I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
