Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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